If there is one thing that almost every couple dealing with infertility goes through, it’s the loss of intimacy and connection with their spouse.
Infertility can take a toll on many aspects of our life, but our relationships can suffer the most, especially in the area of sexuality and intimacy.
- It can lower our self-esteem and change the attitude we have about our bodies.
- Painful or humiliating treatments or exploratory techniques can become triggers and hard to put out of our minds.
- The thoughts of “why bother?” or “what’s the point?” creep in and apathy towards connecting with our spouse becomes normal.
- Sex on a schedule is less than spontaneous or fun, causing a “have to” mind-set instead of a “want to” one.
- Health issues and/or medical and hormonal treatments can cause sex to be painful.
- Emotional pain can surface during and after sex, causing tears instead of satisfaction.
- Differing opinions on testing and treatments, along with the financial burden can cause a struggle between us.
- Getting pregnant can mean that your lady bits are looked at under fluorescent lights by someone in a white coat more often in one month than most women have to deal with in a lifetime.
Depending on our medical issues preventing conception and the path we choose to take in trying to fix the problem, we can also lose our sense of privacy, as our most private parts and moments come under scrutiny.
Infertility can cause us to lose not only physical intimacy with our spouse, but also emotional intimacy. Sex becomes a means to an end – pregnancy – and not the God-given emotional and physical bonding or mutual satisfaction it should be. That we desire it to be.
Many couples try to find ways to connect without intimacy as a way to overcome struggles surrounding sex. This is good, and needed of course, and there are many ideas on ways to have fun with your spouse outside of the bedroom:
- Recreate your first date
- Watch a funny movie snuggled up on the couch with your favorite snack.
- Go hiking or do something active you both love.
- Get out in nature and explore your neighborhood, local park, or beach
- Have a weekly date night
- Exercise together
- Take a class or learn something new, together
But what if you both desire intimacy and a physical connection, but sex just makes things too hard at the moment? Or what if you do want to get there, but you need to reconnect first?
Massage can do that for you.
Have you ever said (or heard) “I just want a back rub?”
Sure, sometimes it’s because we legit have a sore back, but most of the time it’s because we desire a physical connection with our spouse while feeling as if someone cares for us, yet not wanting to go all the way if you know what I mean.
But how can we take the simple “back rub” (that honestly is never what we really want/need) and bring it to the next level?
Enter Melt: Massage for Couples
*this post is sponsored in part by Melt, a company I’m really excited to tell you about. This one is a game changer for marriage folks. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
I first heard about this online video massage course a few months ago when I had a few friends go through the video course and it intrigued me, but at first I felt that it might be awkward, or kind of corny. Maybe too cheesy or even too medical/boring in approach.
But in reality? It’s a series of beautifully filmed short clips teaching you how to use simple massage techniques to connect with your spouse. They are classy and elegant, taking into account the intimacy and sensuality created between a couple, but in a manner where even the most conservative couple will feel comfortable watching the instruction.
This massage technique is for all couples, but I find that the physical and emotional benefits also make for a very special type of fertility massage. It brings a tender closeness with the one you desire to create life with, and that is a powerful thing. It’s also a way to relieve emotional and physical stress (which benefits fertility).
This website and technique is designed by Denis Merkas, a professional massage therapist with 15 years’ experience, and he, along with his wife Emma, teaches you a step-by-step technique and how to use your hands properly.
And even shows us how to set up for the perfect massage. (Not on your bed!)
So far we’ve gone through the basic series and I look forward to watching (and using the techniques) from the rest.
The Basic Series – This series starts with correcting some of the most common massage mistakes and showing you the foundations of your massage with long, sweeping strokes. You watch the short videos with a technique or tip in each, and it ends with a 5 minute follow-along massage routine.
The Highlights Series – This is where things start to get really good! You learn to look for the sore spots on each other’s bodies and how to work them. The neck, shoulders, lower back, arms, head… you’ll find places you didn’t even know that were sore! After you learn the 9 techniques from this series, there’s a 15-minute massage routine to follow along to. Hands still don’t hurt!
The Deep Tissue Series – So many people, myself included, love Deep Tissue stuff but it shouldn’t by over-emphasized. Denis leaves these tips to the very end for good reason, but they are such good techniques. It ends with an epic 30-minute massage follow along massage routine.
Melt Video Series is on Sale until 21st of June, 2015. Get 20% off the bundled courses – only $79 (usually $147 in total). A few “date nights in” to help you reconnect and change your marriage. You won’t regret this investment into your marriage!
This special promo is for our NFW community, with 20% off the retail price for LIFETIME video access to these incredible massage techniques.
Visit MELT: Massage for Couples, I highly recommend it! (and you guys know how picky I am about things I recommend….)
Because, as Denis and Emma, the creators of MELT say, every relationship deserves a little massage.
Donielle Baker
Sleep and fertility, why you should go to bed by 10PM (weekly challenge #16)