A day etched into my memory.
Not because of what happened, but because of what didn’t.
The loss of a dream.
Today was my due date.
And instead of holding a new little baby, I’m holding on to the promises of our Creator. That He is loving, and kind, and just. That His peace that passes all understanding washes over me. Filling me.
Instead of being in the trenches of newborn life, I grieve. Yet count the ways I have been blessed and give thanks. For He is good.
While no lullabies are being sung, I sing out in praise to my Heavenly Father.
For my life is no less blessed in trials as it is when I can easily see that life is good. And this one very small and seemingly insignificant child has taught me so much in such a short amount of time.
While difficult, I’ve seen growth in myself, my marriage, and my family. I’ve learned what it means to be held and comforted.
Some days are not easy, and I’m sure some of you have these days as well. I lash out. Where the pain is raw, where my heart aches, and my arms crave to hold. Where I want to disappear, to hide, to spend time alone.
To choose joy is not always easy for me.
But I must choose peace in my here and now. That this is my life. That this is where I’m supposed to be – learning, stretching, growing. Opening myself to His goodness and grace.
Finding joy in my every day life. Even when it’s difficult.