Lately I’ve been scattered.
Running in circles.
I’d been cleaning, but my house was never clean. I’d been gardening, but it was always full of weeds. I had no time to workout, no time to blog, no time for myself. And my unrest had also transferred to my young son who started acting out and really pushing boundaries.
You see, I had forgotten how much better my life runs when I don’t run it!
Luckily, the Lord never forgets. And throughout these last few weeks he has brought me some great blog posts, newsletters, and conversations with friends to help me realize that the reason I was feeling such unrest was only because I wasn’t relying on him. I had been trying to run my life.
So last week, I took the week off to spend time with him and reorganize and schedule my life. I woke up at 5am each morning and read my devotions while nursing the baby and spent time in prayer after I put her back down. I forgot about my to do list and opted instead to start my own “Home Keeping” book to better schedule my days. I also spent more time loving my family and trying to forget about what the next day/week/month would bring. We played with friends and leisurely picked cherries. I even *gasp* let our nutrition slide a bit and picked up a few convenience items.
And you know what? I feel better. My head is clearer, and I think my home is functioning better than it has since last summer before I got pregnant. What a great relief it has been for me to have Him take such a heavy load off my shoulders!
It also got me thinking just a little bit, because I always felt this same type of unrest while dealing with infertility and the fact that I wasn’t yet pregnant when I wanted to be. And I didn’t just want to be pregnant then, I had scheduled it into my life. I had written it in on the calendar. Figured out how long I needed to work before I could quit my full time job.
If you don’t believe me, I can show you my date book!
My only goal was to have a baby. I ate for my fertility, I exercised for my fertility, I was intimate with my husband only for my fertility, I prayed only for increased fertility. What happened was I would lose myself. I seemed to lose where I was in life, with everything crumbling at once and I just couldn’t pick up the pieces. And each time the Lord would gently call me back. (Actually, I think one time he had to holler at me. But he’s God, he can do that right?) And once I had given him control again, he’d carefully place in my hands the pieces of my life that I had dropped and broken. Then everything would fit together again. Of course it didn’t mean that I would get pregnant right away, and it didn’t mean that I never cried about it, it just meant that my feelings of unrest went away as he gave me a clear head and a clear heart.
So do you have feelings of unrest about your fertility, your marriage, your job, or even your home? I highly recommend taking time away from everything (even if it’s just a few minutes in the mornings) and spending some time in God’s word letting Him help you figure out what’s really important in life.
Because He has the pieces you’ve dropped.